If you’ve never been through it, you’ll never understand.

It’s frustrating going through something that nobody understands. It’s harder when everyone is passing judgment or just flat out calling you lazy. I thought my medical fight and being open about everything would help me cope, and help other people not have to go through what I’ve been through. But it’s been brought to my attention that it’s just not worth it anymore to try to get a little understanding, let alone empathy from people who don’t know and never will.
What’s worse is when the judgment comes from the people that suffer from a chronic illness and still pass judgment just breaks me. So I’m going to bottle it all up and maybe one day when all of this mess gets figured out I’ll start being honest again about my medical traumas and the journey I am on.
But for now, its time for me to put an end to the speculation. I am severely depressed. I am in widespread chronic pain daily, I also have some level of a migraine daily. I always have. Its gotten worse since my surgeries and almost dying. I have anxiety.

And I am doing the best I can. I haven’t been on the computer nearly as much as “normal” because I’ve been so depressed. I’ve let myself go, let my life go. And now the world is crumbling at my feet and its all my fault. I generally feel like everything is my fault. And it is.
My brain can’t brain right now and I can feel myself shutting down. And I’m fighting to the point where I feel like there’s not enough fight in me and I am alone.
And my husband is understanding as much as he can be, but when it comes to action it’s still down to me. Me trying to make him understand. Me trying to ignore the judgment and the shame of my body failing me this early in life.
And I wish I could wave a magic want to make it all go away.

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One thought on “If you’ve never been through it, you’ll never understand.

  1. I’m in the same boat but I’ve adopted the mindset of people maybe not understanding what I’m going through, or what people in general in constant chronic pain are going through (combined with mental health issues), but at the same time I may not have a clear vision of their struggles.

    Unfortunately it seems that the only way to escape judgement from people is to be quiet or live with it. I’ve stopped talking about my emotional instability because people call it attention seeking. Mention a panic attack and you’re a couple of friends less on your friends list on Facebook or Twitter.

    Humans are not mostly very compassionate and empathy is hard to come by from people who’ve not experienced it, and then people who have or are going through it don’t necessarily have the energy to engage in something that they too are struggling with.

    And you also have to remember that depression does tend to change your general view of things a lot; it makes things seem so much more than they actually are.

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