My married life is amazing. I love my husband. Its only been a few months but navigating the life of being a wife and a mother is hard. Working together with another human being is hard. Knowing that said person could walk at any time for someone with abandonment anxiety is hell.
I have nightmares all the time about DJ leaving and changing his number. I know that sounds pathetic but for someone who loves her husband so much, and who has a husband that loves me so much. But anxiety.
The past month we’ve waited very patiently for our insurance cards to come in. And for some reason, they didn’t mail them out which was fixed today. So for the past month, I have been depending on CBD vape, samples from my doctor’s and coping skills.
A week ago I fell down the last two stairs in my home (not paying attention) and because of the lack of calcium absorption due to the RNY I ended up fracturing my ankle, not horribly bad something that could have healed with an ace bandage. But I tore up my ligaments pretty badly so I am in a cast for the next month.
I also can’t take NSAIDS so I’m doing this with just Tylenol alone. So yeah, I have to make a doctor’s appointment not only to get something I CAN take to help with the pain management for this broken ankle, but I also found out that one of my medications is no longer covered by my insurance that I now have. This is an entirely a pain in the ass because this medication was working to help with my depression issues.
Its so frustrating have a doctor that doesn’t take your pain levels seriously. It sucks living in an area so rampant with drugs that every doctor has to look at you like your suspect until proven otherwise.
So last night I ended up texting my husband and going off on him over a complete misunderstanding. I was in pain, and not feeling well and I just lost it from all the stress that we are under. All the debt. Its just mind boggling.
So here I am, can’t work because of my mental health issues and my physical issues and a doctor that won’t take me seriously enough to help me be able to live my best life. So its time to get another doctor.
Getting another doctor is a whole other mess… anyways. Marriage. Marriage is work. It’s working together, it’s working on yourself. It’s working on living your best life, with the love of your life. Its making things work when its a bad day when its a good day. And most of all its being a loving team.
I love my husband and I would be lost without him. I just wish he wasn’t so damaged from his first marriage. If we could rewind time and have built a life together with out all of our collective damages. Because we are both damaged. But we work together to fill in each other’s missing pieces. And I love him for that.
Is there such a thing as soul mates? I’m unsure but DJ does complete me. He understands me and tries to work with me even if that means moving heaven and earth to do so. I know that I don’t talk about my family a lot because there’s a lot that goes on that is stressful. A lot that I don’t know how to put into words. And more that are precious memories that I don’t wanna share.
The future is unknown and it scares the crap out of me. But what I do know is that DJ and our children will be there. In my heart forever. And I love him for that.