The lies you tell yourself to get out of bed in the morning.

I get it. Everyone in some way shape or form is in pain. We all have some form of issues. Mine are no more important to Jane Doe down the street. I should suck it up and stop complaining so much.

But my heart hurts guys. I thought I was finally making headway in a relationship with my father, and then he gets married and it seems like the only thing he cares about is money. During the health crisis I’ve had recently with the migraines and the ER trip and agony of that he’d stopped asking how I was doing. Just where’s my money.

That hurt. A lot. So I stopped replying until I was much calmer. I’d explain our situation and how we really are trying to get back on track and are living paycheck to paycheck and he’d understand.

Then I find out that I may have a pseudo tumor and have to get a spinal tap. And the day I come home to this news he’s asking for money. No “how did the appointment go?” “How are you doing? Are you alright are you scared?” And then Monday a phone call that turned our lives upside down again.

Just this never ending cycle of suck and somewhere along the way I stopped mattering and what became more important became money…. yeah that hurt.

I’m drowning here under so much and its not just one thing its another. Its never ending and I’m doing the best I can and apparently I’m not enough.

1 Comment

  1. Manda

    April 29, 2017 at 7:18 pm

    I wish I had some wonderful words that could uplift you and make you feel better. But, unfortunately, I don’t. Just try to remember that you matter to and are loved by a shit ton of people. I’m keeping you in my thoughts.

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