Last night after I put the children to bed, I felt like I was on sensory over load. I didn’t want to be touched, everything was too bright, too loud. So I went upstairs, with my book, phones – cell and house phone that’s finally fixed- and I just laid there reading in the silence. I’ve been dealing a lot with headaches lately and I’m not sure what’s going on but my headaches are becoming more frequent and much more severe.
I remember in my early twenties where silence scared me, literally scared the crap out of me, and I always had to have someone there, or TV on, music playing etc. And now that I’m never alone I relish those times of silence where I can actually be alone.
This morning was no exception to my headache. I finally took the boys up with me and laid Jason down in the crib and had John lay down with me. Apparently however he did not nap like I thought he did and instead he reminded me why silence is so lovely to have when the children are tucked into bed, but dangerous when they are awake.
You see my darling two year old decided to scrub the floors with toilet bowl water and a toilet bowl brush. So I had run down stairs and get the bleach spray and the mop and hurry up and mop it up as well. But at least I got some meds in my system to help with the killer headache and I was at least feeling better.
What was super frustrating was I woke up and it seems like the house was completely wrecked from the two larger dogs playing around. Daisy anymore has two modes pouting and missing Daddy, and play fighting with Angel.
I’ve also been dealing with depression rearing its ugly head again. I try to hold myself together the best I can, but there are days where it wins and I feel like crap and cry. There are other days where I’m just like at 50% and just so indifferent or irritable. I’m not sure at this point if my meds need to be upped or changed entirely.
John is also struggling right now with a lot of jealousy issues because he doesn’t communicate well and he still speaks his own made up language no matter how hard I push him, and no matter who works with him, he’s stubborn and he’ll say words when he wants to but more than not, he goes off in this very fast gibber gabber that no one understands and we are trying to break him of this habit and we have been for awhile now. We have a speech therapist coming in once a week that’s teaching him signs as well, and he’s picking up the signs more than the spoken word.
There’s also a lot of stress going on in other areas of my life that I just don’t want to get into right now but hopefully will be figured out ASAP. And we will be alright. So all in all I almost don’t want to blog because I don’t want it to be all complaints about how sucky this or that is, or how I just want to cry because of the physical and emotional pain.
I’ll get my grove back eventually. Just bare with me.