So these past few weeks has been riddled with changes. The first is that I’m no longer with my boyfriend. I was too afraid to talk to him about what I was feeling, because in my gut I knew that his feelings for me had changed and it wouldn’t have mattered to begin with. I couldn’t change him, nor did I really want to. I didn’t want to fight to be heard to to feel wanted and accepted, because I felt I was worth fighting for. So after we had a brief goodbye, I packed up what stuff I had left in the house and left. I made some mistakes along the way, but for the most part, it was a lesson I had to learn. I still haven’t cried or grieved over the loss of someone I cared about, that once again the shoe dropped and is now gone, and its not just my fault, nor is it mostly his fault. It just is.
I’ve been held together by friends that I’ve known for a long time, and I’ve been complimented on how strong I am, how good I look and how wonderful I’m doing with my new found weight loss. And its nice to get the attention, and its nice to cuddle up to friends and to have that someone look at you like you are there entire world. But this is a scary new place for me. Once that I’m going to slowly break into and not rush things.
I’ve been helping a very dear friend with his issues lately and that in a nut shell is just dealing with high school bullshit and drama. But Mother’s that read my blog let me ask you this:
If you were in a custody battle with your ex over your child over shared custody, and you had no driver’s license, no job, no education other than high school dipolma and no vo tech training what so ever, would you spend your time on facebook bashing said ex into the ground or would you be working your asses off to prove yourself a fit mother?
Yeah that’s just a drop of what my friend’s dealing with. Facebook drama, a house that was so filthy my OCD kicked in and made me want to clean ALL THE THINGS. And yet that environment is better for the child? Really? So today I’m helping him go through all the legal paperwork to build a rebuttle. After a while I’m going to work on getting back into school and eventually law school.
Either way, I’m going to try to blog more, not promising anything, but I will try.