I’m back, sorta

So these past few weeks has been riddled with changes. The first is that I’m no longer with my boyfriend. I was too afraid to talk to him about what I was feeling, because in my gut I knew that his feelings for me had changed and it wouldn’t have mattered to begin with. I couldn’t change him, nor did I really want to. I didn’t want to fight to be heard to to feel wanted and accepted, because I felt I was worth fighting for. So after we had a brief goodbye, I packed up what stuff I had left in the house and left. I made some mistakes along the way, but for the most part, it was a lesson I had to learn. I still haven’t cried or grieved over the loss of someone I cared about, that once again the shoe dropped and is now gone, and its not just my fault, nor is it mostly his fault. It just is.

I’ve been held together by friends that I’ve known for a long time, and I’ve been complimented on how strong I am, how good I look and how wonderful I’m doing with my new found weight loss. And its nice to get the attention, and its nice to cuddle up to friends and to have that someone look at you like you are there entire world. But this is a scary new place for me. Once that I’m going to slowly break into and not rush things.

I’ve been helping Β a very dear friend with his issues lately and that in a nut shell is just dealing with high school bullshit and drama. But Mother’s that read my blog let me ask you this:

If you were in a custody battle with your ex over your child over shared custody, and you had no driver’s license, no job, no education other than high school dipolma and no vo tech training what so ever, would you spend your time on facebook bashing said ex into the ground or would you be working your asses off to prove yourself a fit mother?

Yeah that’s just a drop of what my friend’s dealing with. Facebook drama, a house that was so filthy my OCD kicked in and made me want to clean ALL THE THINGS. And yet that environment is better for the child? Really? So today I’m helping him go through all the legal paperwork to build a rebuttle. After a while I’m going to work on getting back into school and eventually law school.

Either way, I’m going to try to blog more, not promising anything, but I will try.

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2 thoughts on “I’m back, sorta

  1. I’m sorry to hear that your relationship didn’t work out. πŸ™ Sometimes that just happens. I broke up with my ex because I saw that our relationship was going nowhere…I was fifteen and a half years old and had more motivation to ACCOMPLISH (school, work, life) than my then-boyfriend, who at the time was 21 and still lived at home, and didn’t work. He was content to do nothing, you know? There was definitely a spark between us, and dare I say it…love, but without any aspirations on his part, or willingness to get off his ass, put down the computer games, and DO things, there was nowhere for us to go. So I ended it. It was sucky for both of us, but in the end, the right decision.

    To answer your questioon, as a mom: if I had a child but no way to care for or provide for said child due to no education, work, or even a damn driver’s license to drive or car or just cash a child support check, you better damn well believe I’d be working my ass off to change that. Admittedly, there might be some ex-bashing on Facebook along the way, but overall I’d clam up, shut up, and woman up to do what I had to in order to see my child, even if the custody was shared.

    Best of luck to your friend… legal woes involving children are never good to deal with. There’s always lots of stress involved. πŸ™

  2. Gosh, what a total bummer. I’m so sorry you and your boyfriend didn’t work out, as well. Like, I’m glad to read that it’s neither your fault or his, you know? But it still sucks that things just fell apart… I almost wish I could reach through the screen and give you a hug (even though I’m a total stranger right now and I wouldn’t want to be a creep lol) because I can’t stand reading about sadness. It makes me feel sad, as well, and I hope you get through this alright with some support along your side <3

    Oh man, Facebook drama is the absolute worse. It tears friendships, relationships and families apart, it really does – seen it with my own two eyes, too. I try not to be on Facebook as much as possible – especially the "family only" account I made a while back. Too many nosey people butting into things that aren't to be meddled in. But best of luck to your friend – I hope everything goes smoothly at some point!

    Smile, if you can πŸ™‚

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