Friday,well I can’t say I really remember Friday much. It was fairly uneventful and the day passed with mundane activities and Cory and I went to bed, woke up Saturday and it was the fishing derby for kids up to age 13. Paige caught a 12 inch brookie trout and Dylan caught an 8 inch trout, I believe a brookie. I don’t understand fishing but to each their own. I’d rather swim or boat or read than fish. But anyways, it was fun seeing the kids so excited to see their first from the creek fish. Cory and I had a birthday party planned for a friend of ours and we went there directly from the derby. It was a get together where you brought beer if you so choose and just hung out ate and talked. We had a good time watching the kids and TJ and Jake go down the slip and slide and the kids using baby shampoo to go down the slip and slide and tarps… what? I did mention that we’re a bunch of rednecks around here right? We made the slip and slide bigger by using tarps.
The night went on and Cory ended up sleeping in his chair so we came home around midnight or so, I drove because I was sober and Cory wasn’t we came home and I talked to Kate for a bit and finally passed out. I was up the next morning around 6:30 AM went to the bathroom and realized that I just was not ready to face the day so I tried to go back to sleep, that was a no go so I read and checked facebook, read some more and decided that I wanted to make the family home made from stratch pancakes, hash browns and eggs.
So I came downstairs Sunday morning and got out everything I needed got my head phones in and am dancing around the kitchen making Kate, Mj, Cory, Bubbha and I breakfast. Well Mj wakes up in a bad mood and starts in on Kate and Kate tells him that because he’s pissed off at Cory and I he was fighting with her all day. So as i am making breakfast I tell him to be a man and tell me why he’s pissed because if it was about us going to a birthday it was planned a month in advance. He starts screaming at me so I scream back. I’m tired of doing all the house hold chores around here, doing everyone’s laundry and dishes and getting zero credit from MJ. So I snapped I went off on him again and said he was a lazy asshole that didn’t pay my bills, nor support me in anyway and that this wasn’t his house its in Kate’s and Cory’s name only and he has no legal rights to it and he’s trying to say that he does help this house, no he pays the bills like any normal adult, just like I pay my bills.
Well he charged me, balled his fist at me twice and drew back to punch me, I threw my hands up and instead of becoming yet another victim of his I punched. I threw everything I had into the punch, he punched me back, so hard in the back of my head at the base of my skull that my vision went white and I dropped, and he stood over me like he was going to continue to hit me and I got up and kept fighting because I felt in that moment in time that it was either him or me. He dislocated Kate’s shoulder the night before, kicked Chuggar, our dog (mine and Cory’s) in the ribs with his steel toed boots on, and was just being an asshole. So he was content on hitting me hard enough to drop me, he threw me into the counter a few times, punched me some more and at this point I’m screaming for Cory who couldn’t hear me because we have fans upstairs that drown out everything down stairs, and was throwing my hands up in a choking motion to try to cloths line him hard enough to wind him so I could run to get Cory. After he cornered me the final time and kept punching me I clawed his neck and tried to choke him out, and it wasn’t working Bubbha escorted him out of the door and told him to leave for a bit to calm down. I couldn’t breath at this point and limped upstairs and told Cory, Cory sat there and held me until I was calm enough and he was calm enough to confront MJ with out losing it. So he came down stairs and Mj is still raging, trying to get Cory to hit him, raising a fist to me and Kate again, and Cory very calmly told him that he was a child for hitting me when he knew already I was scared of him because of my previous bout of domestic abuse and that he pushed me to defend myself because in that moment I really felt like he (mj) could have killed me and wouldn’t have cared less. He’s left bruises on me before during our play fights and I got tired of it and told him that enough was enough and to knock it off, he didn’t and I finally told him after he went through my facebook messages that if he so much as touched me again charges would be pressed. Well he decided to beat the shit out of me instead. I went to the doctor and I have a bruised shoulder, ribs knee and a concussion. I am also seeing a counselor next Monday so I can stop myself from reacting so poorly and to better manage my bipolar, my night terrors and anxiety. I barely ate Sunday, I barely ate yesterday, I don’t want much in the means of food today either. Am I ashamed I stooped to his level and snapped? Yes, but I’m also proud of myself for keeping my promise to never again be a man’s punching bag and to stand up for myself. He said I hit him 8 times, before he touched me, which is a lie. I punched him once and he started beating me until I dropped. I don’t trust him I hate him i can’t stand him. I’m pissed at him and at myself. If he had called the cops i would have very gladly told them what happened and taken responsibility for it and explained that I felt he was so insane with rage that he was going to kill me because his violence is escalating. But he didn’t because he knew he was fucked if he had. He sent a picture of his clawed and brush burned neck to a friend of ours and told her I snapped on him yet I’m the one with a concussion and such.
Cory and I talked last night and I told him how I felt and how sorry I was and that I didn’t want to loose him because of what I did and I cried as I explained how scared I was that Mj was going to hurt me, or Kate, and that in that moment it was fight or flight and I was so tired of fleeing everything. That thought he was pissed at me when he didn’t come to bed, and he wasn’t he was just not feeling well but I think too that he wanted to intercept Mj if he came back. Either way we talked and we are ok, but it still breaks my heart that Mj has gone so far down hill and refuses to get mental health treatment because of the new gun control laws. So he’s unmedicated and bipolar as well and I’ve had enough. Obviously. Today I’m sorting through cloths and getting Mj’s in a pile mine and Cory’s into a pile and Kate’s into a pile, Pagie’s is already separated because of other issues, and Dylan’s is kind of mixed up in all of it. But that’s ok I’m going to get everything sorted and figured out and MJ’s laundry will go unwashed until he washes them, and if he doesn’t wash them well he won’t have clean cloths. I refuse to clean his messes any longer. Period. My bills are paid every month, its not like I owe him a great deal of money for something, because I never borrow anything from him, I pay my own bills and make sure my rent is taken care of before anything else and go with out if I don’t have the cash.
I’m not scared anymore; Its odd really, because I should be scared he gave me a concussion and yet I’m not scared anymore.