I was late (TMI)

Growing up I got diagnosed with poly cystic ovarian syndrome something that pained me from day one. I was put on a fertility drug to regulate my periods until it no longer worked then I was put on Ortho Tri Cyclen a birth control pill.

Since having RNY gastric bypass birth control long term isn’t really a viable option because it won’t work with my changing and melting body.

Then I was 5 days late to get my period. I’ll be honest, I was scared. I was scared at the possibility of being a mother, of having to tell my no kids boyfriend that one of the few times we hadn’t used a condom, I got pregnant, I was scared that something was really wrong with me. I was scared to even ask my boyfriend how he felt about the remote possibility. I was scared he’d look at me and tell me he didn’t want me in his life. I was scared of loosing everything.

So I think I am going to call my doctor and ask him, beg if I have too, that the pain and ovarian cysts are just too much and can we please get me back on oral contraceptive. I don’t want kids, I don’t want to pass along the health problems I have, that he has, and I don’t think I could ever be truly stable enough to have a child, not to mention affording one. I don’t want the be that mom that can’t provide for a child, or making someone that doesn’t want kids to deal with being a parent.

I have been so close to tears knowing that if this ended up going that way I could loose everything, and I’m unsure if I can take another broken heart, so I guess this was a major wake up call to get my life back in working order. No more games.

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