I was diagnosed with PCOS at the tender age of 14 after years of painful periods, landing in the hospital’s urgent care for pain that was so unbearable I thought I would die. I was put on birth control after I was put on progesterone to control, maintain and help me get my non existent periods. So here I am 28 years old and for the past year since my surgery I’ve been fighting with very, very painful periods. Cyst after cyst and the doctor in my home town thought that my history spoke for itself and dubbed me a hypo or a druggie that was begging for pain killers I could take. I didn’t have endo, and still don’t. Birth control is my best option, yet with the RNY gastric bypass that doesn’t seem to be a good idea either, because the absorption issues, the hormonal differences etc. My doctor’s wife had the sleeve, and thankfully is very familiar with the surgery I had as well and is willing to work with me. He gave me a prescription for fiber and for another vitamin and he wants to see me in two months because of the cysts but also he wants me to track the symptoms around my period, because he fears that I have PMDD. Wonderful. He also wants me to track my moods because he thinks that Xanex as needed even at a low does is something I don’t need and would rather keep me on the herbal stuff I’ve been taking, and the work out routines. Its taken a decade for me to manage my anxiety, and there were many years that I wouldn’t leave my home, or drive a car. I would have panic attacks and night terrors, I would feel like the entire world didn’t want me in it and I would internalize everything. If I wasn’t helping someone, I felt useless. I called this mother hen syndrome and it took me years to realize that I didn’t want to me a mother let alone want kids. Sure my clock is ticking pretty loudly but I know with my mental health history and my families history that I wouldn’t want to do that to my children.
Oh and did I mention that there was the chance after two miscarriages and all the cysts I’d gone through that my chances of having a child are very slim? That was before the weight loss but I’m still not so sure that has reversed itself. Either way, PCOS has taken a huge chunk of my life and while I no longer mourn for that part of my life, I still have to live with it. Month after month I have to deal with extreme mood swings, the pain of having a cyst and of course, the regular things females go through. I’m not faking it and thankfully my wonderful boyfriend understands this. He came up last night and sat on the bed while I explained everything too him and I was really trying not to cry because my anxiety was running pretty high at that point and he just hugged me and kissed me and said he hoped I felt better and he was cooking dinner. He asked if I was ok enough to eat and I said yes so I made my protein shake for this morning and went down stairs long enough to realize that I shouldn’t be down stairs at all, sitting in those god aweful chairs hurt! So I came back upstairs and MJ yelled that grub was done and I went down stairs ate and Cory came back upstairs with me. He held me for a few minutes while we watched Myth Busters: Blast from the past. I really wanted to stay awake long enough to watch it but I was out by 8:30 PM. That’s ok though because I can watch it online.
I really want to join an online support group for PCOS but I’d like to find one that isn’t TTC oriented because I am NOT TTC. This may take awhile.
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