A lot of mixed up feelings.
So I got my stuff, and thank the gods I did. The apartment, with no one there to help clean, is a disaster. Everything’s been moved around and the couch I was sleeping on is now in the kitchen.Which means that if I had gone back I would be sleeping in the kitchen like I’m some sort of help. Which in all honesty its kind of what I felt like in the end. Like I was there for the sole purpose of keeping things cleaned, walking the dogs and that no one wanted me there. I felt used and I’m just glad that’s behind me.
I also am having a really hard time with trying to figure out what’s wrong with me, that my own Father walked away and didn’t fight. I drew a line in the sand yes, so in part its my fault too and I accept this. But for him to choose her over his own kids.. it hurts. I’m around people now that have a very tight knit family and it kind of makes me jealous to see such a dysfunctional, fun but completely tight knit family that love each other. I’m blessed to now be apart of it.
I’m just going to take it one day at a time. I just have to remember that as long as I’m happy that’s all that counts.