So I’m sitting at the library when I get a text message from M a guy I’ve been friends with for years. Recently he admitted that he’s fallen for me and while I love him too, he isn’t ready for a relationship and I’ve pretty much set the boundary that friends for now is best for both of us. I have a boyfriend, whom I care very much about and I don’t plan on hurting him for a ‘maybe’. Anyways, he tells me to go to the court house that there’s a bag there that he needs me to hold on too. Every bad set up movie plot goes through my head at this point but I run home, throw my bag on the couch, run back out and go over to the van.

He throws open the door with a “Hey sweetheart.” and I smile and he gets out and hugs me. I didn’t realize it but Jet was right behind me and I didn’t hear her yell for me nothing so she came over and said hi, gave him a cigarette and went to her appointment. We stood outside and talked until his Aunt was done with what she needed to do, and off they went. I got another hug and this time it was like neither one of us wanted to let go. Mostly because on my part, he is one of my best friends. On his part, I’m unsure.

After a little spat at the apartment I walk back to the library and ask Jet if we can talk. I learned from previous relationships that if I am having issues dealing with a situation, or how the guy she is with is acting, to NOT shut up and let if fester but to talk it out like rational adults. Well as rational as a PMSing woman can be. (And let me tell you I’ve never been so grateful for my period.New relationship doesn’t need to get that complicated that quickly.) I apologized for being weepy and explained that I did have my period so that’s what’s making me more so emotional then actually being upset. Yeah, I was upset, but I wasn’t upset with her, or even with him just the situation. So I bought her lunch and we talked. I’m pretty proud of this because I kept my cool didn’t raise my voice, (I do that a lot when emotional or excited.) and we figured things out.  While I can’t say I understand the entire end of his situation I do understand cycles of depression, being depressed myself a lot. So I gladly took her feedback and we walked home.

I saw J first and Lurch. Two friends that I’ve known for years. J I’ve known since he was like 5 or 6… anyways. They have a guy with them and my jaw dropped and I said, “OMG how the hell are you?” It was an ex of mine Ray that has been a best friend since like the 8th grade. He’s been back in town for awhile and we walked back to Ben Franklyn which is close to the apartment and we talked. Jet was cold so she went home I stood out there and talked with the three stoodges for awhile.  Ray and I cleared the air about a few things that had been unclear. And then he started to flirt with me. I showed him a picture of my boyfriend and he started to pout. It was cute in away. I gave hugs and came home.

The rest of the night was spent either talking with another friend about photography, how much I charge my portfolio and such to walking the dogs and passing out. Or well attempting to pass out. Around 10 pm last night the cramps came back. And by come back I mean please rip out my fucking uterus right meow! This morning is no better. Now I’m waiting for Jet to wake up so we can get to her lawyer appt and go from there. I’m going to take my computer so I can just walk to either the link or the library for more wifi goodness.

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